I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
