I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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