He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
