I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He passed out mid-signature
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
