i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
