the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
