..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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