I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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