Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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