im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
