I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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