I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
