Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it's like iHOP with fire
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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