Yo dont text me then not text me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just found puke in my bra..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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