Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You took a bar mat shot.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
