why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
