I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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