if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
