just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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