I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
