I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
