oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize