I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
