I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
