The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
