toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
