im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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