i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
