i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
