my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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