i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
