the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
