If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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