I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
