I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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