I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
