I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
