I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
