if i can run in heels then i can drive
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize