I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
