My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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