can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
