Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
