I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
