Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
