I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
