he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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