If i come over, it means nothing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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