Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Randomize
