Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
