Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize