He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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