i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize