I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
