so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We left the knife in your bed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
