I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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