eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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