You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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