If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just pee around me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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