evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
