It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
