i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
