my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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