awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
