I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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