I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
