I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
