let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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