haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
