i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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