Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
