This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
