I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
