I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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