Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
