we have pet lesbian snakes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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