you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
