yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
