a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
