Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
