I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How does one acquire holy water?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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