oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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