I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
