Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
