ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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