I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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