Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
