Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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